low lung capacity

Today has been a nice day.  I took my grand baby to dance lesson today.   We ate magical eggs that were in our breakfast burritos.   She and I both laugh and love every minute of it.  After dance we met my daughter and grand son at their house.   I left and did some errands then home. Pick up around the house, laundry and vacuumed.
This week I was told that my lung capacity is at 29% capacity and serve COPD.   I see my lung doctor in 2 weeks to go over test and find out what is the plan to increase that number.   If  I don't increase it then I will be joining my Savior earlier then I thought.   I am not afraid of dying but going through the pain of dying sucks. I told my daughter but we didn't get to talk about it.   I had planned to wait to tell her when I told my mom but she starting talking about taking the kids to swim lesson, dance and music lessons this summer.  I felt like I was expected to be the taxi for them.  I wanted her to know that I was going to be in pulmonary rehab this summer and to not plan on my help because I will be too busy trying to save my life.   Oh course I never got the chance to tell her that just that my lung capacity was at 29%.   I called my mom but didn't say anything about my lungs.   We were talking and my brother walked in and she had to go.   Old feeling came over me.  Not worth enough, boys came first. She talked about how nice it was that my brother and sister were running together.  That my other sister has started running too.  She was so happy that they were looking so good and thin.   I am fat obesity a big eye sore for the family.   Now I can't walk the 5k Zoo Run that is coming up.  Mostly because I haven't been walking. I am tried going to close for now.  

thankful

I m so thankful that I have such wonderful friends.   I had a great weekend.   Two friends came down from LA and spent the night.   Stayed up late and got up early and went to church.    It was so wonderful to have my sisters in Christ here.   I also went to a big party down town at the Moose Lodge.   I am very proud of myself that I went there by myself.   It was nice to get all dressed up and felt pretty.   I am honored to be there to celebrate with the family and friends.   I am stepping out of my comfort zone.  Went to Curves last night on my way home.  I  am going to go for a walk today to start getting ready to do the Zoo 5k May 6.   I know I should have started earlier but I have to look at each day as a new day to start over by taking care of myself.  Thank you Heaven Father for a new day.  

x la

I honestly feel that my ex is moving back to LA with his new wife.   Also that they have a trip plan with my friend that I house and dog sit.   Most likely I will be housing sitting while they are on their trip.   I went to my financial class last Thursday night, it was a good meeting.   Just need to get busy but the lodge folder together.  If my ex gets a job with the lab we will have to go on one income.   I will lose my house because of the credit debt that I have from helping and supporting my daughter and family.    Trust in the Lord with all my Heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3.5   I am trying so hard to trust the Lord.  He has not given me any reason to not trust him just don't believe in myself. 

work or not work

Today while I was with my daughter, I asked her how her dad was doing?  She said he hates his job and trying to sell his house so wife can move out there with him.   She hates not working and living only on his money.  But it was the way she said it like I am leaving off his money when I should be working.   It just got to me and I want to say something but don't want to start up a things.   I am on disability because of my lungs and depression.  Who does she think she is judging me.  She has never seen my side of things.  Why do I get trying to do stuff for her so she will like me.  Her I go calling her, she is sleeping.   Maybe I am just reading too much into it.